Happiness;Within or without?

Happiness is a good feeling and we all crave for it. Starting from a tiny worm to the most elite being. Through out history there has been people who realized the fact that happiness is something to do with your mind and heart rather than searching for it out there in the open. They said this realization in many different ways but I am still grappling with the myth of searching for it in and around me. I dont see any green signals around but am confronted with many questions. Happiness! Is it a place to reach or a state that you can create? What is it ? Is it just a feeling or is there something beyond that? How do I get happy; By getting everything I alone want or by giving something that another fellow being needs ?. Any way, now I am at least convinced that happiness is really something that I can achieve by looking within me not because I have had the complete understanding but because of the extensive readings that I have done.

Robin Sharma says in his book "Daily inspiration", " people are living backwards. They spend their lives working hard to get the things that can make them happy not realizing the fact that happiness is not a place to reach rather a state that you create. Happiness and a deep sense of  fulfillment comes when you commit yourself from the core of your soul,to spend your highest human talents on a purpose that makes a difference to others' lives. When you correct the jaundice vision lifes'true meaning will appear clear to you. To live beyond yourself. In simple words purpose of life is a life of purpose". These words resonate when you contemplate for sometime.
The other day I recieved a call from a cousin brother of mine saying "I am happy because of you". All that I did was made a call to my sister to accomodate and cater him for a month. He is not familiarly known to my sister. He was placed in Mongar hospital for his job training. I felt a different feeling but a good one.
I can relate another incident that I came accross in Thimphu. Most of the time I go shopping I used to see a Gomchen (physically fit) with a Daru(drum) and drilbu in hand singing " Jingpai tobgi sangay yangdagpa; meyi sengye Jinpai tobtok tey;..." which is sung when the lay monks go around for alms.
Begging with some old notes in hand, meaning he need money not any other things. He usually sit on the main street opposite picture hall with the daru cover used as a hat to fight the biting wintry cold. A friend of mine has seen this lay monk distributing the small denomination notes to the elderly flock at the Gongzok choeten. Hearing that I felt a deep sense of embarassment. I could not appreciate the wisdom this great man clad in rags had. It moved me! .
Usually I never liked to extend money for people who are fit physically. Thinking that they are spoiling the essence of their lives by living on such lowly means(begging) while they can still manage to make a decent living by working. But I was wrong with him, the wise man in disguise. More or less I was guided by my head most of the times rather than the heart. Whenever I try to do something I think twice, then I apply what is called logics and rationality but this way I create a condition. So, If it is a giving it is not a perfect giving because in the end I expect something in return one day or a merit accumulation for that. So in a way I was not truelly giving. If I am giving out of love then I must be expectting nothing, I may not expect anything to come by after my giving. That is called true giving, giving from the heart. Wisemen listen to what their heart says but erudite are mostly guided by the head. But true happiness seems to come from the heartful living rather than rational living.
I still live with lots of myths, one prominent amongst them is I take pleasure for happiness. Althought these two are quite different things I still am not able to figure out that line of difference. I think that I would be happy when I get what I wanted. I am supposed to get satisfaction out of it. But out of my experience so far it is not. I became happy but it did not last long. After getting what I wanted I could not appreciate it either. That was just a good feeling called pleasure. All the interesting things that I got were subject to depreciation even the people  around. So they are not the sources of hope any more. Which means the sense of happiness that I gain from outside is not permanent and therefore not happiness in essence.
The great Gandhi said "Live as if you are to die tommorrow and study as if you are to live forever". I find a valuable wisdom in the words. Imagine how you will live If it is known that you are to die tommorrow, will you hurt someone? will you care for the expensive clothes? Will you let the beggar go empty handed? .I think this is the rationale behind those words. Studying is nothing but just building the means to living. After earning a degree all that you will do is make a decent living, nothing more than that. This attitude of death will be bad when you are studying because then you cannot concentrate thinking it is useless. Studying is a means to accumulate knowledge, however if you think through and practice, there is a scope for wisdom. His wisdom of living is quite appealing . We will be able to live a life with less attachment, which is not good any way. Attachment is one big problem with us today. This is responsible all the suffering that we undergo today. All the ignornace that we are known for, becasue we cling so much onto our ideals. All the happiness that we feel with a slight touch of attachment is not happiness.
We must always remind ourselves that everyday could be our last, every minute, every second , that is what is called the contemplation on impermanence. In doing so we make a commitment to ourselves to love, to give and to live meaningfully and mindfully. Happiness is not an end in itself it is rather a journey. This journey of self discovery is infact is a profound source of Happiness. If you want happiness look within yourself there you will find it. But it takes time. When you look within yourself you try to answer the fundamental questions like; who am I? What am I here for? How do I get essentially happy? If you get the answers for these questions you are half done with the purpose in your life. Getting the answers are merely drawing the plans. What matters is how you execute the plan. Great plans can just be a show piece without the marriage with practice.
After bullshitting for so long, I donot know whether happiness is within or witout. It is only to see how far I have progressed in my journey of self discovery! I bet you must try, you will gain in the end!!!


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